Today, I wash notified via friendsh on Twitter that I’ve been voted Shcotland’sh Greatesht Living Treashure. Well. It brought a shlight cough to the throat and dampnessh to the eye. No doubt the idea ish I’m likely to kick the bucket any day now, sho it’sh wishe to give the old guy a nudge or a shoogle jusht to shee if he’sh shtill breathing. Let me asshure you that I am.
Lessh amushingly, I shpotted that the allegedly-comical pointy-toothed oaf Ricky Gervaish ish shupposhed to be planning a sheriesh about ‘Sean Connery’s Retirement Home’. The article quotesh ‘an inshider’ ash shaying: “”They’re filming a pilot in London,” a source told The Sun. “It’s early days but it looks brilliant.” Oh dear. Mr Gervaish should know that I am not only frequently litigioush but that I have already been commenting online for sheveral months about my retirement. yesh, MY retirement. If anyone’sh going to make money out of me, it’ll be me. Hmph.